Review: Laucala Submarine

It’s a lion eat lion world @lengishu.house

Describing @oljogi is tough. It’s 50% incredible and 51% insane. You can’t argue with maths.

The number of animals in this picture is the same number of game drives I went on during my stay at Singita Serengeti House: zero. It was just too relaxing to want to leave.

The highlight of Four Seasons Philadelphia is pool with panoramic views on the 57th floor. Another was an “influencer” in the pool screaming at his phone about how sleeping is for the weak. One of those “I go to bed at 4am and wake up at 3am” types. I was awake before him, so I’m looking forward to my upcoming lottery win.

The perks of being a blogger . . After you send your kid to private school and put them through university, you're not that keen to see "blogger" on their business cards.  It isn’t normally top of your list of things you’re hoping they'll be. If I’m being brutal, maybe it’s third place, after doctor and astronaut.   . . However, now and again it pays off. . . A reader, that became a friend, happens to own the NFL team @philadelphiaeagles . Here I am getting my American on and going to my first NFL game, in the Owner’s Suite, with the Lurie’s, watching the Eagles beat the Jaguars. It was definitely a step up from watching Cambridge United, where you have to fight someone to use a bathroom and a good meal is something that only makes you ill for 48 hours. . . So there you go, kids.  If you want to get somewhere in life, just spend your life savings going to hotels and shitting all over their best efforts.

The Carlyle, New York. The best part of the hotel is when you look outside of it.

My Grand Suite at Aman New York, called that because of the cost, not the size. Seven grand per night, to be more precise.

Aman New York, the most anticipated opening of the year. I abandoned my family, including my new born daughter, in order to come here and spend hour after hour at this pool, just to make sure it was good enough for you, dear reader. Mother Teresa ain’t got shit on me.

Normally I’m walking around properties spotting their flaws, but at @messardieresttropez every few meters I was mouthing “fuck” under my breath as the property is so brilliant I’m now going to have to brush up on some positive synonyms to describe it.