Kenya 2021

After more delays than a Biden infrastructure bill, I am heading to Kenya.  This is third time lucky; originally planned for 2020, moved to September this year and now taking place over Halloween.  Very apt, as at one stage I was going to need to spend 10 nights quarantining in a government hotel, which is the definition of horror.  They can stop making Halloween sequels and just livestream some family holed up at a Radisson.

So here we go.  The order is as convoluted as actually understanding how Squid Game works.  They had to devote nine episodes just to explaining the premise and I’m still confused.  Anyway, we start on the beach; Sirai Beach, an exclusive-use property.  Why, you ask?  Because that’s the best availability would allow.  It was originally booked to finish there, as anyone who has been on safari knows it’s actually incredibly tiring.  I’m talking like “damn, I’ve only had 8 meals today and done no physical exercise” kinda tired.  Quite frankly, it looks awesome.  6 bedrooms, tennis court, spa, gym, and, unsurprisingly, a beach.

Next up is the start of seeing animals, not that I need to head to Kenya as my 400mm f/2.8 lens is ready to rock and it’s so large I can confirm that Pluto is a planet again and there is indeed life in the universe.  Segera will be our starting place and I’ve only heard good things, but it certainly won’t be better than Arijiju, an exclusive-use, 5 bedroom property that has a sauna, hamman, squash court and cinema.  Or will it?  I’ve been wrong once before and I go to sleep every night reliving that nightmare.

We then come to Giraffe Manor, the place where Instagrammers go to ejaculate, or something like that.  It is the kinda place designed for social media before taking pictures of your dinner was such a thing.  However, go I must.  They’ve just opened The Retreat at Giraffe Manor and I’m keen to check it and the main property out and let you know all what percentage my sexual appeal increases after I get a picture of French kissing a giraffe.  We’re then heading to Angama to hot air balloon over some poor animals that probably think the sun is about to crash into them and wipe their families out.

As a bonus round, I may go to the newly opened Kisawa Sanctuary in Mozambique.  A new ultra-luxurious (or ultra expensive) property owned by people that have never done it before, in a country with no history of luxury.  What could possibly go wrong?  It’s not going to be like Miavana though, because erm, there’s no lemurs here.  It’s gonna be like Miavana, isn’t it?  We shall see.

One Comment

  1. Hi Tom
    I am delighted to see Angama included on your Kenyan malarkey. Yes, those poor Mara animals do fear the end of the world has come each time a balloon hisses above them. Remember to tie yourself to the balloon pilot in case your fancy camera tips you out of the basket. That would be very tiresome for both the balloon operator and Angama. Covid has been quite enough of a headache, thank you.
    As I hope you will discover for yourself the Angama family doesn’t take itself seriously – in fact the more fun you can poke at us the better (however we do take looking after our guests very seriously – please do not amble about after dark otherwise once again I will have to step in and clear up the mess).
    My email address is below – please send me the good, the bad and the ugly about your stay with us. It is a rare treat to to come across a blogger as irreverent as you.
    Have fun and please don’t steal any members of my team – then you will see the ugly side of me. All my guests try to and that’s why I make the team wear ball and chain.
    Nicky (also frequently referred to as ‘that old bat from Angama who never knows when to zip her lip’)

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